We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
