I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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