it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
