I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
