I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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