I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
