I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
