I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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