Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
