Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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