Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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