Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
