Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
