you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
