oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
