Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
