dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
