if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
