So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
