dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
