Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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