Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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