he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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