Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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