well I can't set my house on fire every night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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