i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
