Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
