its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
