Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
