She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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