I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
