Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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