just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
