Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
