I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
