I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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