if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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