Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
