just come out here and I will go home with you...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
