Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Someone shit on the floor
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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