omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
