I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
