i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
