I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
