I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
