think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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