you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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