does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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