listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i out mim tonsoeep
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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