I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
