Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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