I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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