i think i have herpe
just one?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
