And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
