WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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