We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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