the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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