I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
