Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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