She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
