Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
